Update on the bloginess

Going to revamp here a little, I’ll be adding reviews of books, TV, comics, whatever may strike my fancy, not just movies.  I will try to get my review of “Coraline” up this evening, and perhaps a podcast as well.

Review: Bolt

You know a movie geared towards the young’uns was done well when grown adults with no children go see it in the theatre, and not just in passing on cable. Bolt was one of those movies. The heart warming tale of a girl and her dog, voiced respectively by Miley Cyrus and John Travolta, was an effective mix of humor and schmaltz. Both gave effective vocal performances, as did the rest of the cast.

While I enjoyed Bolt and Penny, Bolt’s faithful owner, not since The Incredibles have I loved the secondary characters as much as the main ones. Rhino the Hamster, who gave me the most laughs just from the trailer, did not disappoint.  A soulless studio exec, Penny’s sweet mother, several high spirited cats, and not one, but two groups of pigeons make Bolt a great comic success.

Moments of guts:

-None to report.

Moments of glory:

-Aforementioned pigeons were hi-larious.

-Great production and animation. Disney Animation studios may be finally coming into its own.

Duplicate Watchability Score:

5 out of 5

Review: Twilight

I’m already having trouble with this review. To describe what was good and bad in this movie would force me to spoil several parts of it, so I’ll only highlight some moments in the guts and glory section.

The 17-year-old girl in me really liked this movie. The 27-year old in me knows perfectly well why the 17 year old me liked it. The author, Stephanie Meyers, has a remarkable talent for writing the perfect romance from the vantage point of the average American young woman. Edward, the vampire ‘protaganist’, loves Bella so unconditionally, and with an immediacy that is, however romantic it is, completely unrealistic. But secretly, every girl between the ages of 13 and 17 wants that kind of romance. Middle aged women loved this book (and I’m sure loved the movie), because it allows them to relive that youthful fantasy.

Us old school vampire lovers generally think the vampire ‘lore’ in Meyers’ universe is really the worst part. I can get over the immediate lust=love mentality with Bella and Edward, if the vampires skin didn’t glitter in the sunlight. (Sorry if that’s a spoiler, but it’s too ridiculous to escape mention.) The other vampires in Edward’s ‘family’ are single faceted and silly. My friend, with whom I saw the movie with and has read all four books, said that these characters do hold their own and have their own stories in the book, but in the movie they served little point. But they grew on me, and in the end, they were there for Bella when she was in danger. They love Edward and want him to be happy, even if they secretly want to have Bella for lunch.

Rob Pattinson (better known as Cedric Diggery from the Harry Potter franchise) does the brooding vampire almost better than Brad Pitt did in Interview with the Vampire. Kristen Stewart as Bella was sweet and endearing, even though Me-at-17 really wanted to hate her.

This movie is not for everyone, so rating it is difficult. Men of all ages will hate it for obvious reasons, and women who want to hate it will secretly not hate it. I am one of those women who wanted to hate it, but the young girl in me will win on this one.

Moments of guts:

-Minor characters were introduced just so they had someone to kill, an amateurish move that doesn’t instill much confidence in the author.

-The big fight scene at the end was set in a place that was totally pointless.

-Aforementioned magic glittery vampire skin.

-Pattinson occasionally looks like he’s going to be physically ill around Bella. I know the reasoning for it, but it doesn’t make it any less laughable.

-The dialogue. Oh god, the dialogue.

Moments of glory:

-Hottest screen kiss I’ve seen in a LONG time. Would make any middle-aged housewife (or me) swoon uncontrollably.

-There’s a subplot I was really interested in, that apparently plays a big part in the future books. It wouldn’t necessarily be a spoiler, but just in case…

-The soundtrack/score had some lovely moments, and “Bella’s Lullaby” by Carter Burwell was particularly poignant.

Duplicate Watchability Score: (and hopefully this will be the only time I have to do this, because I hate making generalizations on movie likes based on gender)

For women: 3 out of 5

For men: Negative Infinity +1 out of 5

Review: Quantum of Solace

Bond is back, and this time he’s pissed off. Really pissed off. This isn’t your mom’s Bond of days of old. He isn’t spouting witticisms, he’s not playing with gadgets, and he never touches a martini. Quantum continues literally where Casino Royale left off. If I’m not mistaken this is the first Bond film to do this. The Bond films as a franchise are successful because they can be viewed and enjoyed independently. Quantum does not follow that formula, and I fear that will be a hindrance for the film. My mother, who I saw the film with and who had not watched Casino Royale since it was first in theatres, has to ask me who Vesper was.

This continuing story arc isn’t really an issue, if you’re a Bond fan. If you’re not, and you had not seen Casino Royale, then you really would have had absolutely no idea what was going on and why Bond had suddenly turned into Jason Bourne and was just really pissed off the entire movie. And the title may be the worst ever, if you’re trying to gain any sort of mass appeal for this film.

Having said that, the movie was enjoyable, if not flawed. The action sequences were great, and Daniel Craig’s performance was nuanced and brooding, which fit nicely with the tone of the story. The two ‘leading’ ladies, if they could be called that, were underutilized and one-dimensional. Gemma Arterton as Strawberry Fields was there to simply be sexual fodder for Bond, and Olga Kurylenko must have learned to act at the Keanu Reeves School of One Facial Expression.

All in all, the movie isn’t band if you take it with a grain of salt (or sand, in this case), and don’t over think the problems with the plot.

Moments of guts:

-Worst bad guy ever. Whiny and French does not a Bond villain make.

-David Harbour as FBI agent Gregg Beam; I blame the writing, not his acting, for making this character pointless.

Moments of glory:

-The opera chase scene. One of the most beautiful, dramatic scenes I’ve seen in an action movie since The Fifth Element. This scene alone could have saved the rest of the film. (This was almost a moment of guts, because it felt so out of place with the direction in the rest of the film.)

-Judi Dench’s M was complex and serious without coming off bitchy. This accomplished actress continues to be my favorite part of the Bond movies as of late.

Duplicate Watchability Score:

2 out of 5

Review: Role Models

In a film taken straight from the Judd Apatow school of film making, Role Models tells the story of two guys forced by court order do to community service at a Big Brother-type of establishment. Co-written by star Paul Rudd, the script has the almost typical one-line jokes and physical humor that we’ve come to expect from these movies. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with that. The jokes are still funny and the physical humor is still amusing, but the jokes could be transposed from any movie like this made in the last five years (40 Year old virgin, Knocked Up, etc.).

The performances were all good. Paul Rudd and Elizabeth Banks were great together, and Seann William Scott was stupidly annoying, but still strangely sweet and sincere. Kudos on the casting of the kids. Both were spot on and perfect fits for the roles. As for the plot, the story was fleshed out well enough, and I didn’t feel like the heart-warming, serious moments were shoved down your throat.

Moments of guts:

-Yes, we know it’s funny to make fun of LARPers. Move along.

-The foul mouth of the younger child is actually distracting at some points. (And this is coming from someone who curses every other word.)

Moments of glory:

-Jane Lynch was awkward and fantastic. Her spiel about cocaine (which you get a snippet of on the trailer) is hilarious.

-Yes, it is funny to make fun of LARPers.

Duplicate Watchability Score: 3 out of 5

“Zack and Miri” made a porno, and I liked it.

I will always see a View Askew picture. I could have known nothing about this movie but the title, and that it was Kevin Smith’s, and immediately put a seal of endorsement on it. The man just makes good movies, and this was no exception. It had a few moments of schmaltz, but not to the level of Chasing Amy’s 45 minute long “let’s talk about our feelings. Oh, and we should all bone” moments at the end of that movie.

The supporting cast was brilliant. It was really great to see some new faces mixed with a bit of the old Smith brood. I really can’t say enough good things about this movie without spoiling. And I hate spoilers. So please accept some moments of guts and glory. Basically spoiler free, but you’ll still thank me for a couple.

Moments of guts:

-The gross out scene (anyone who has seen it knows what I’m talking about) wasn’t exactly surprising since Kevin Smith does have a penchant for fecal-related humour (The Golgothan from Dogma, anyone?). But it was still gross. Really, really, really gross. I’m not sure what happened in the following scene, because I was still so grossed out.

-Jason Mewes has no problem with full frontal. Just an FYI.

-Seth’s Jew-fro. It’s so good, it’s bad.

Moments of glory:

-Oh my Joss, I had no idea Brendan Routh was so ridiculously good looking. Really, really, really ridiculously good looking.

-The romantic scene between Rogen and Banks could have been taken out of The Notebook or any other overly romantic weep-fest. Sweet, but subtle. Smith does the funny well, but he knows a thing or two about human emotion as well.

-Justin Long. (The Mac guy, if you don’t know.) His conversation with Seth was one of the highlights of the movie.

Oh, and make sure you stay through the credits. Which you should do anyway. You can spare five more minutes to read the 3000 other names who worked on the film you paid 20 bucks and two hours of your life for.

Duplicate Watchability score: 5 out of 5

Review: Tampopo

I watched a film about ramen.  Yes, you read that right.  “Ramen” meaning the Japanese word for “noodles”, not what we Americans buy at the grocery store for 10 cents a pack. Tampopo, filmed in 1985, is the sweet story of a truck driver who comes into the life of a noodle-restaraunter.  He pulls a motley band together to help the widower Tampopo make the perfect bowl of soup.  The movie itself is a satiric diatribe on the Japanese culture’s obsession with food.  Various sub plots include a mother on her death bed happily making one last meal for her family, a gangster and his girlfriend having  9 ½ Weeks-esque food sex (but in a really gross and strange way), and a group of vagrants and hobos discoursing on beef bourgignon and a fine French wine.
One notable cast member is a young Ken Watanabe, most recently seen by audiences in Memoirs of a Geisha and The Last Samurai.

Moments of guts:
They all involve the gangster and his girlfriend. ‘Ewww’ moments involving food are doubly worse.  There were scenes involving an egg yolk, a live prawn, and a discussion about yam-engorged boar intestines.  Best skip those scenes if you have a weak stomach, or if you want to eat ever again.

Moments of glory:
-Tampopo’s happiness is infectious.  You’re happy because she’s happy. Nabuko Miyamoto gave a lovely and nuanced performance.
-The truck driver (who I really want to call The Stranger, even though he did have a name).  He seemed to say barely twenty words the entire movie, but the actor was so expressive that you really felt his presence in the movie. It reminded me of Sonny Chiban’s performance in Kill Bill: Volume 1.

Duplicate Watchability score:
3 out of 5.

Let the movie madness commence

Hello, all!  Welcome to Red Band Geek.  Here you’ll find reviews for all types of movies, old and new.  The blog and podcast will contain adult verbiage, so leave the kiddies at home for this one.

The main thing you need to know about my reviews is I rate movies on duplicate watchability.  On a scale of 1-5, one means I would never watch it again, and regret the first viewing as well.  A 3 indicates a good movie, and may or may not watch it again.  5′s are amazingly awesome, and will warrant multiple viewings. (For example, Iron Man would rate a 5, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull would rate a 1.) And I’ll share what I feel are moments of guts and glory.

I started this blog, because if you’re anything like me, you want to read movie reviews, but you know they’ll invariably be filled with spoilers.  I live in a spoiler free zone, kids.  You won’t find them here.

Thanks for joining me, and look for my first reviews soon.